Have you ever noticed that emotions have physical sensations? In mindfulness practice one can sensitize one's awareness of sensations in the body, not to get rid of them or prolong or intensify them, but to know what is happening here and now. In the Buddhist teaching on unconditional kindness this constancy of mindfulness is celebrated as "living in heaven here and now!"* When one is being verbally attacked, whether the attacker is face to face or in a recording or phone call, one may feel sensations in the body including heaviness, paralysis, searing pain, heat, constriction in the chest, heart pounding, shortness of breath, sweaty palms, etc. These stress responses might be helpful in a predator-prey situation where one's life depends on stillness and readiness to flee or fight, but in modern life they hinder well-being and conflict resolution. As we evolved as fish, lizards, and tree-climbers the stress response would be discharged once the threat disappeared, but how can we discharge these high-energy sensations in modern life with a modern brain?
One technique is to apply mindfulness to the acute sensations in one's body at that moment. They are just passing sensations, so they are not worth acting on unwisely. In street self-defense, as in the wild, we learn to use our own alarm and excitement as a source of speed and energy for measured, protective responses. In taekwondo we learn to control facial expression so we can choose whether to show pain when attacked. We learn to feel pain without aversion and reaction so our actions continue to be consciously chosen. In a street or competitive fight a flat affect can discourage an attacker, and when someone who loves us attacks us in anger, sometimes seeing our pained expression can help slow and disarm them. Doesn't it escalate anger and frustration in you when someone to whom you are speaking harshly appears unresponsive? In that moment what would you like to see and hear that would restore your forgiveness and kindness?
Another technique is to apply mindfulness to a deliberate, unaggressive movement such as shifting weight from one foot to the other, touching one's own face, even lifting a finger. The consciousness of this apparently insignificant motion reminds the body that one is still in control and not physically trapped or immobilized; it might be perceived by the attacker (if present) as a non-threatening sign of engagement, "I'm listening." This technique connects to somatic therapy, which uses awareness of sensation and the body's ability to discharge pent-up trauma through natural movements. In situations of emotional distress the Buddha directed those present to "follow the breath," a sensation source that connects us to all life.
|Me breaking for a Triangle Martial Arts Association demo in 2010.|
As I practiced more and watched other students, though, I began to understand that not only was rank earned through effort and physical, mental, and spiritual skillbuilding, the entire format exists to cultivate the Way, "do" in many martial arts styles (aikido, judo, hapkido). Self-consciousness and pride can fade as the Way to interact and communicate with every situation becomes clearer. In the real world any situation may arise; the school provides an orderly container to cultivate the ability to see right Ways and opportunities to respond appropriately. Eventually I experienced this in the joyful ease of giving guidance to new students when I saw a need, without a thought or sense of pride.
For a crude example, if I am so unfortunate as to meet someone who tries to punch me, I see a Way to help him stop harming himself and me and engage in stepping out of the way, calling his attention to this unnecessary violence, and if necessary immobilizing him. If I am skilled I will do so with kindness and not hatred because I understand ignorance, not any one person afflicted with it, is the enemy. I understand that society currently rewards greed and promotes false views, and as a member of that society I get to interact with that norm and its consequences. When a gunman burst into their train car Sadler, Skarlatos, and Stone saw the Way was to take him down, without heroism and without hate. They could have killed the man, but they simply saved him from the terrible consequence of murdering and injuring others. I believe they didn't have to think about consequences, debate how appropriate it was for foreign tourists to engage, or weigh whether protecting the others in the car was worth the personal risk. They saw what needed to be done and just did it.
We can practice in our everyday lives so that if severe physical and emotional misfortunes do befall us, as they eventually do, we can be ready to see the Way and act with conviction, kindness, and skill. Every "difficult person" can be a spiritual friend in a situation that shows us more of the Way. Every challenge is an opportunity to look hard at ourselves, know and befriend all bodily sensations that arise without discrimination, and keep the steering wheel steadily in hand.
Our worst tormentor is our own mind and our ultimate liberator is also our own mind. It's up to you to use your precious time to work with the mind. May we all have the courage to face the reality around and within us, with mindfulness, without preference or aversion, and with the freshness of the present moment that is the touch of every bodily sensation.
* Pali: Brahmamettam viharam idamahu